Always my Pop

I don’t know if my writing this is bringing attention to this situation or making it into a bigger spectacle than it is, but I feel the need to address it. If you saw the local newspaper this morning then you saw that my dad was charged with possessing child pornography. It’s incredibly frustrating that a charge from five years ago is coming into the light now. It brought up emotions that I haven’t felt for five years and I haven’t cried like that in years. I don’t understand it and I personally feel that this is irresponsible journalism, but I digress. I love my “pop” immensely and if it weren't for him my faith in my savior Jesus Christ wouldn't be where it’s at today. I want desperately to shield him from the negativity that will be thought, said, and posted about him in the weeks to come just as he shielded me from everything that happened to me when I was young. I do want to tell people how this has been the most positive experience in our relationship.
Before I jump into this let me explain a little bit about pornography. It’s an incredibly dangerous game to jump into. It sucks you in and it places this debilitating hold on you. You can go from website to website looking for whatever you wish. The goal is to get you in and hook you. This way you find what’s appealing to you. If you get involved with other people then they send you pictures, all the time. It’s a chain that’s hard to break. It’s a chain that only Jesus could break for me. I had to ask him to bear my yoke (Matthew 11:30) because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t think I could be married right now if I still looked at any hint of porn. 
Well this is something that I fell into and so did my dad. It nearly destroyed his marriage. It nearly destroyed his life. It nearly ended it. Yet, the moment my dad had a warrant served at his house for these charges was the moment that changed our lives forever. It was one of the most humiliating moments, yet to see what came from it makes me excited for it. When we had that happen to us, I would still look at porn. As I saw my dad become remorseful and repentant, something changed in me. I saw him becoming a man of God and leaning on Jesus Christ to handle this burden for him. I knew who Jesus was, what He did, and how He changed lives, but I had never seen Him be so impactful. A marriage was about to be dissolved, but yet I saw Jesus work so much in my father’s life during this time period that I couldn't help but be attracted to it. I saw my dad leading and I wanted to do that too. There was one time that I saw my dad’s faith increase so much. The Apostles had to ask Jesus to increase their faith (Luke 17:5) and I just wasn't there. I was at a place in my life where I was determined that my parents would divorce, I was 23 and I figured they’d had a good run. I specifically remember yelling at my dad that their marriage was over and that he needed to give up on this. Five years later and it looks like I needed to give up on not believing Jesus can change things. I've seen Pop (what I call my dad) go from being a selfish individual, who was incredibly secretive about he was doing on the computer, to an amazing man of Christ who has shown me how to love my wife, lead a family, and put my faith in Christ who we legitimately can do all things through Him who strengthen us (Philippians 4:13). 
In closing, it’s not a fun thing to see the Daily Press write bring a five year old charge about your dad and give him the mark of death. It’s not who my dad is; however, it’s a testament to how Jesus changes us. People will judge him in the court of public opinion and that’s what they do. I love my dad though. I will stand by him through this ordeal. When this temporary ordeal called life is over then I’ll stand with him in heaven and we’ll have no memory of this. I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my faith had God not put this test in my dad’s life. Thank you God for this trial as I know it is by your grace that we can handle it at all (James 1:2-4). 

Set Free - A little blurb of my Easter story.

Tonight at Easter service the worship band played one of my favorite songs, Set Free. I'll post the lyrics for you here.

Verse 1
Joy, joy, unspeakable joy
Hope like never before
You came for us
You are our freedom

Love, love, unshakeable love
We shall overcome, we will never give up
We lift a shout, we lift a shout
Everyone singing

Chorus
Come on, come on now, we've got a new song
Come on, come on now, a song of liberty
Let the world hear heaven's melody
This is the shout of the hearts You've set free

Verse 2
True, true, we know it's true
We stand now, risen with You
You lifted us
You are our freedom

Strong, strong, whatever may come
You have already won
We lift a shout, we lift a shout
Everyone singing

Bridge
And we'll dance, dance
Dance in Your freedom
Oh, Your glorious freedom
Forevermore, forevermore

This could not be more true for my feelings tonight. The message was about releasing your burdens. I feel completely released. I had this image in my head of shackles holding me to the ground. Bondage really, the sin of my past holding me back from something that could truly be great for the Father. I am trying to break free of this bondage when suddenly I do break free. I break free when Christ comes down to release me from these shackles. The shackles of anxiety, pornography, lust, anger, greed, hypocrisy, and every other sin that I've committed and not let go of because I felt I wasn't good enough for it. No, He released me from that a long time ago; I just finally realized it.

Lastly, Pastor Tom told us one more thing. What would Jesus tell me if He walked through that door? For me, someone who is somewhat of a perfectionist I thought that He would tell me is to spend more time with me. No, He would never do that. I'm already convicted of that by the Spirit. Our God is not condescending, but loving. He took and will continue to take my burdens from me; just like He told me in Matthew. This is the shout of the heart Jesus set free.

My relationship is nothing...

I’ve had a lot of people tell me that my relationship is an inspiration to them. That it shows that there’s a good man left in the world and that there’s a good relationship that gives them something to hope for. I’m glad that people can grab that from my relationship, but that’s not my goal at all. That’s not in the least bit. I don’t want the focus on me. My relationship is nothing without Jesus Christ.

I want people to understand that mine and Staci’s relationship is nothing without the power of Christ. Our focus is on Christ and I want people to understand that we wouldn’t be together if it weren’t for Him. His redemptive and healing power over both of our lives and we want people to see His glory in our relationship and our honoring of Him; we don’t want you to look at our relationship and think that you want that. The story of our relationship doesn’t begin when we got together, but when we submitted to Him. While some of you have heard that story or are going to hear the story in the coming months please remember that it all begins and ends with Christ’s resurrection and teachings.

There are things that God has us focus on individually and together. One of the first things that we both talked about was our intentionality with our relationship. God has given us an amazing testimony that takes the focus off of what we have done and what He has done. Yes, I know that four months seems to be a little short when it comes to normal standards, but I know more about this woman than any other woman by the time He has allowed us to spend together in reading, praying, and worshipping. The things we do together for Christ are the things that have allowed us to become so close and so quick. Our minds are filled with what the Holy Spirit has in store for us and what the Father has done for us and what they will do for us. The reason I was even attracted to her was because of her heart for Christ and doing His work. So as we get closer and closer to the wedding please remember that in everything we have done together has been for His glory.

Romans 15:17
Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God.

Confidence...

When going through the book of Numbers in the Bible we sometimes become a little frustrated. Why do we have to read so much about a survey? What is the purpose of it? Well, it's God's Word so there is a lot of purpose in it. In today's reading I noticed something that piqued my curiosity because it revealed the awesome power of God when one has confidence in our Father.

First let me preface it with a selection from 1 John 3:19-24

¹⁹ This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: ²⁰ If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. ²¹ Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²² and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. ²³ And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. ²⁴ The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

You see verse 21, have confidence and we will receive from Him anything we ask (within reason for His Kingdom). Now let's take a look at two passages from Numbers.

Numbers 11:10-15
¹⁰ Moses heard the people of every family wailing at the entrance to their tents. The LORD became exceedingly angry, and Moses was troubled. ¹¹ He asked the LORD, “Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? ¹² Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their ancestors? ¹³Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ ¹⁴ I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. ¹⁵ If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin.”

It almost seems like Moses is whining. However if we reference Exodus 33:11 we notice that Moses spoke to God face to face like "one spoke to a friend." Friends have the right to vent or seek their frustrations out right? That's the confidence they have in their friend. Does God get angry with Moses? No, He gets frustrated that the Israelites are losing their faith. He gives them quail later on in chapter 11 not because of their whining, but because of Moses' confidence.

Later on in Numbers chapter 13 we see the difference of two opinions yet again. Caleb is confident in God because he's seen what He can do, yet the others are so afraid because of the size.

Numbers 11:30 ³⁰ Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.”

Why do we continue to have so little confidence in our Lord when He has done for us than we have ever asked? I find it amazing that He will grant what we ask if we ask in confidence. It's time for me to build that up in His awesome Name.

In His Glory

NG

A phone call

For those of you that really know me know that I am not the best person to talk on the phone with. I actually detest speaking on the phone. Tonight, I spent about two hours on the phone with two people that I don't know if I've ever spoken on the phone with one of them. The other I had never spoken on the phone with.

These two conversations were two of the best conversations I've had in awhile. The first was with my cousin whom we conversed about my family and then we talked about something that I had been struggling to deal with. It's hard to share with certain people in your family and you just have to find that common ground between you two. I've been focusing on so many other things, that I didn't think about the things that we have in common. That was something that I've needed to hear for awhile. We can't hang out on the things I just want to do.

Second conversation was very emotional for me. Last summer in 2010 there was a friend that I shared my faith in Christ with. So did a few other members of my team. Well, a lady had a been trying to get a hold of me who met with that person. I was a little wary with the country we went to being closed. Well the good news was that my friend had accepted the Father into her life. It's the best piece of news you can hear and another door may have been opened for me to go back. I just keep praying, because when you receive bad news it's always going to be outweighed by good news. You always have one thing that separates you from everyone else. The love of our Savior. I'm excited that I'm going to see my friend after I die and I hope to see more, including those I'm currently afraid to talk about Jesus with.

Until next time...

The worst part of our lives can lead to the best...

Flashback 4 and a half years ago. I've talked a little about this, but I was able to talk about it with my dad today. Something happened in my family that I won't talk about. There are maybe seven people in the world who know that aren't my immediate family. However, the thing that happened was rock bottom for my family. It led to my parents' potential divorce, it partially led to a relationship ending, and it led to me thinking it was okay to drink and party my sorrows away.

Well, let me start this with saying that I wanted to write about the big decisions that I've made in my life and what effects they would've had. I will list the decisions that I've made though. and just some things that happened.
#1 California State University Fulleron, University of Nevada Las Vegas, or Victor Valley College. I chose VVC.
#2 Staying at Verizon or Going back to school - I chose going back to school.
#3 Going to CSUSB or Wichita State University - I went to CSUSB
#4 Investment banker or teacher - I teach
#5 Popping the question - I'm still single
#6 Staying at Encore or going to Victor - Still at Encore
#7 Losing weight
#8 Going back to church
#9 Going to East Asia
#10 Leading a group

The last few were just commands that I followed.

Back to the subject at hand. This isn't going to be long, but had my family not hit rock bottom a lot of things would've never happened. I would've never seen how a man can come back from the dead and resurrect a marriage with the help of God. It was intense to see how high you can bounce back. My dad's renaissance and resurrection in God led me to so many different things.
I. He allowed me to see that going back to church makes changes.
II. I started eating healthier and lost 120 pounds.
III. I started attending a small group.
IV. I went to East Asia.
V. I began leading a small group.
VI. I went back to East Asia.
VII. I started to realize what I want in a woman.

There were other things that happened, but this was what happened to me because my dad hit rock bottom. His life is so much better now because that one thing happened. I could never be more thankful for that one. So thanks Pop for showing me that hitting the bottom is much more than just the end. It's a beginning and it's the chance to bounce back up.

Part III

The day after the second training was a nice day of recovery. People were feeling sick and getting over their remaining illnesses. When your bacteria changes it’s not fun and if you’re either not prepared to it or not used to it you can feel a little sick. It was nice to sleep in and get a little opportunity to lounge around. Since our first two trainings were a day short each we had a few extra days to recuperate. God was really on our side because as I’ve said we had done everything we can to spend time with our newfound friends as we were burning the candle on both ends. Days like today allow us to explore the town and hopefully meet new people. A couple things happened on t his day. We found a restaurant that served some amazing soup. The soup was slow cooked in a ceramic pot that sat out in the sun. It had the broth, a ham bone, and corn or mushrooms in it (at least that’s what we tried). It was seriously the greatest soup I’ve ever had. We ate that almost every day for the remainder of the trip. You have to remember that each day is extremely hot. At least 95 degrees Fahrenheit and 90 percent humidity; it was how I imagine Miami would be if I were into that scene. However, we each ate it and devoured it. By the end of the trip we knew the guy so well that he took some pictures with us.

The next day we took a trip to a place that our friends’ company received their logo on. We got to see some beautiful scenery and saw the border with a country. I say saw because we wanted to cross the border over to that country. Honestly we just wanted to say that we visited another country (too bad if we didn’t get a stamp on our passports). However, we did have an opportunity to go up stairs to either some artillery (what’s up?!) or to a Kung Fu Dojo (so said our field worker). Stephanie, Daniel, Aaron, Rose, Stacy, and myself went to the artillery (dude a cannon!). The stairs were a little steep and it’s not like they had building codes and regulations back then. You have to understand that these stairs were at least a thousand years old, but the scenery was beautiful. There were stairs that had tree roots grown over the stairs. One of my favorite things on the trip was being there for my teammates. I am glad that I met them and I do consider them to be my family. When someone in your family has struggles you step up and talk to them. You step up and be there for them and when they’re accepting of your assistance it is a great feeling for both of participants. The partnerships and friendships that have been forged over these last two years have been amazing and I look forward to forging and fostering more relationships with different people as we move forward with our trips. With that being said when you think you’re doing the helping you are sometimes the one helping. So thank you Aaron for being that guy for me this trip as we both assisted each other on things that we had no clue we could handle without God’s help. That actually goes to the guys on the trip, it was a different trip this year because of the conversations I had with every single person I had on this trip especially guys.

Okay, sidebar over. One thing that was fun at the artillery portion was pretending to fire the cannons. We’re not always the most mature, good times right?

We had another killer lunch in this town and enjoyed our ride back with honking and everything. I did forget to mention one thing. On our way to the spot we had a random guy get in our van. We had no clue who he was. What did our leader, Stephanie do? Asked me to pose for pictures with the guy. RIDICULOUS! I’m kidding, you know I willingly attempted to take pictures with him, sometimes your maturity goes down.

A benefit for our next training was the fact that we got to see the teachers before the training. This would give us an excellent opportunity to meet our new friends and to forge and foster new relationships. It was nice to walk around and some of us were able to meet with new people and converse with them. They had us try a fruit called “skin of the chicken fruit” and it was awful! We found out later that we were supposed to peel the skin off. I ended up attempting to have a conversation with a teacher who was older and he had no clue what I was saying. Something in me told me to speak up that night just in case we were being watched. It turned out to be an oversight because this man had beautiful writing, but had not spoken English with a native speaker for so long that he had lost all of his confidence.

The people that we had in this last training were amazing. We had a student with us that was there last year. It was amazing to be with her and we actually got invited to her house for a traditional meal where we enjoyed a great time of fellowship. The people and the friends that we met were so amazing, but I want to highlight two specific things.

One of the men that I met was awesome and loved hearing everything I had to say. I don’t know what it was in the man, I am going to say it was the Spirit leading him to listen. We were in a crowded restaurant for dinner and everybody was screaming, yet we could hear each other just perfectly. I was able to share a lot with him about the gospel, my life, and how God has changed my life and was even able to give him a Bible (which I later termed hand sanitizer). I told him that I had a gift for him and that I was curious if he had a bag. He said he did and left for almost twenty minutes. I was worried and nervous as I prayed to God for him to return. What happens next? There he is. I took him outside to give him his gift and he was very honored. After we left we walked back to our hotel room as a team and prayer walked the town on the way back. I did forget to mention that one of my students gave me a ride to the restaurant on the back of his scooter and I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared for my life. No helmets equals no bueno in my book.

The next day was very trying and there were private issues and conflicts that hit our team, but a few of us were able to go out with our friends to buy spices and just go shopping. Daniel, myself, Chad, and Rose went to go buy cutting boards… Okay, Daniel negotiated to get a few of us cutting boards. Good times though. You could clearly see the shopkeeper’s frustration. We went to get some drinks (non-alcoholic of course) and we got another opportunity to witness. Last year another one of the people there received a Bible and had no clue what was going on with it. I asked her if she would like to hear some stories from the Bible and that was the opening that God provided for me. Nicole and I were able to speak with her about some of the amazing that God has done for us since creation to the time that Jesus died so that we could be reunited with Him in heaven. I’m not sure how well she received it, but it was very inspiring to be used by the Spirit with words and knowledge that I wasn’t sure I had. I will leave a little anecdote. Again, this conversation started because they asked if I was single. Chad said, “No, Nick’s not single!” thus almost ruining my testimony! Thanks man!

I will say one thing about that night, if you are ever around me or Aaron ask us about the rotating choirs. We are immature.

Our next few days were filled with some awkwardness, tension, and anger. It’s hard because there were a lot of frustrations that we experienced that I feel followed me home. I needed to refocus myself on Jesus coming back home and honestly had some amazing friends and resources who didn’t even let me go into a shell. These people are some that I truly love with all my heart and they know who they are.

One conversation I had on this trip was with Rose about becoming a leader. I feel that God wants me to lead, but I need to rely on Him to help me put my life in the right place. Flying home we missed our connecting flight in the capital city. We then had our team split up too. The married people: Chad, Nicole, Stephanie, Daniel, Aaron and Rose; went through Tokyo to LA. The singles: myself, Mike, Kim, and Sarah; went through San Francisco. I was tasked to lead us home. Not so difficult right? Follow the leader, take some planes, etc. God put a few executive decisions in my hands like having us go home together instead of splitting us up again. Trust me, the thought crossed my mind. I may not be a complete extrovert or introvert, but by this point in time I would’ve been okay with putting three people on a flight and letting myself fly home alone. God calmed me down of that immensely. What was nice is that our bags were already at LAX when we got there (we weren’t able to get on the first flight, but our bags did, whatever). We walked out of there in ten minutes. It was glorious. I will say that my favorite part coming home was seeing my parents and us finishing as a team still. One thing I will take away from this trip is how close I feel to these people. They are forever ingrained in my life. I love them like brothers, sisters, and a father and a mother (haha). It is frustrating that they live so far, but also makes that time we spend together that much better.
Coming home I have been able to hang out with them and that helped me come home. I’m ruined though. How? Well, for this life that we have in America. I love where we went. I love the people. I love God most of all and have to trust His plan and not try to forge my own. I would love to make overseas projects my life. However, asking God what His plan was is what got me into teaching and His plan is going to take me so many different ways and it’s going to be amazing. I can take away so much from this trip. How to handle conflict and the highs and lows of a trip are very important. Being a single man and learning from these amazing men has been tremendous. I just have to remain obedient. Chad said it best, pray for our obedience to God. If He wants me or us to just do summer projects then I am great with that; if he wants me to go overseas full time then I have no choice. It’s all according to His plan. I can listen and be His good and faithful servant or I can serve a different master and not reap the rewards of being with Him in heaven. There’s only one place I want to be and there’s only one path I want to take.
Thanks for reading too. If you’re interested in doing something like this let me know. If teaching isn’t your thing then maybe athletics are. I would love to take you on this journey that God has provided for us. The journey to understand that ordinary just isn’t good enough for us anymore.

Blessings -
Nick