The First Few Days

Here are some snapshots from the birth of our little blessing Nathaniel. 

Perfect

I really want to give today the grace and eloquence it deserves. I'll never forget it, but I think my beautiful wife summed today wonderfully when the doctors handed our son Nathaniel to her,
"Oh baby, you are so perfect."
In that moment, for me, that was the truth. 

Ill-prepared, but well equipped.

 Earlier this year my wife told me that she was pregnant. I can honestly tell you that there are few times where I've exuded so much emotion. It literally poured out of me. However, now it's September 1st and our son is almost here (the due date is September 19^th). How exciting right? Well I've come to the realization, I am immensely ill-prepared, but incredibly equipped.

If you're reading you might be saying, "Don't say that Nick. I know you, you're going to be a great dad." I would respond by telling you that I know that. I know I'll have my follies and do things that are befitting of a “good father”. I'm not writing this because I want your compliments or happy and positive vibes. Nope, see I've come to the realization that I can't be a good father without the help of Jesus Christ.

My goal is not for my child to be a "good" human being. Good has changed throughout the years. Good has become "serving your community without expectation of reward or retribution after death." I get it, people serve for that warm fuzzy feeling of helping others and looking good in the community. They serve for their own means. Their reward is here on earth where they want and expect it. No, I want to see and spend time with my son for much longer than our time here on earth. I want my son to love Christ more than me, serve others better than me, love better than me, and lastly and most important glorify God better than I've ever thought about. I mean just look at the verses that Solomon gives us in Proverbs:

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. (Proverbs 23:13 NIV)

To have a fool for a child brings grief; there is no joy for the parent of a godless fool. (Proverbs 17:21 NIV)

Whoever robs their father and drives out their mother is a child who brings shame and disgrace. (Proverbs 19:26 NIV)

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away. (Proverbs 22:15 NIV)

A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. (Proverbs 29:15 NIV)

A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. (Proverbs 19:13 NIV)

The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him. (Proverbs 23:24 NIV)

So after my little moralist rant, I've gotta tell you; unless I all of a sudden get a doctorate in Theology, become a pastor, and dedicate my life to the homeless Mother Theresa style this isn't going to happen. Not in a million years would I be able to accomplish these things on my own. Look at what Proverbs tells me. I need to discipline my child, make sure he knows and understands who God is (not intellectually acknowledge Him, but know Him), make sure that he follows the right path, isn't foolish, make him righteous, and impart wisdom on him. This is only in reference to a child, there are 40 verses that reference “son”. I have to teach him how to protect his heart, not be a fool, stay away from adulterous women, work hard, to store up my commands and so much more. Normally, I would worry and stress out about this. I can't do this. I still have a marriage to maintain, work at a job, go to church, go to small group, be friends with people, run, sleep, eat, drink, and many other aspects of life that I'm just not referencing.

Yet I'm not worried. I have no reason to worry because this isn't my burden. I gave that up a long time ago, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). He will equip me, He will provide, and He will guide; I just have to listen, work for Him, be guided by Him, and let Him grow me. The last four years I've taken the yoke of Jesus and accepted the fact that I'm ill-prepared to do things, and with my son coming soon there's not another way I'd rather have it be.

Always my Pop

I don’t know if my writing this is bringing attention to this situation or making it into a bigger spectacle than it is, but I feel the need to address it. If you saw the local newspaper this morning then you saw that my dad was charged with possessing child pornography. It’s incredibly frustrating that a charge from five years ago is coming into the light now. It brought up emotions that I haven’t felt for five years and I haven’t cried like that in years. I don’t understand it and I personally feel that this is irresponsible journalism, but I digress. I love my “pop” immensely and if it weren't for him my faith in my savior Jesus Christ wouldn't be where it’s at today. I want desperately to shield him from the negativity that will be thought, said, and posted about him in the weeks to come just as he shielded me from everything that happened to me when I was young. I do want to tell people how this has been the most positive experience in our relationship.
Before I jump into this let me explain a little bit about pornography. It’s an incredibly dangerous game to jump into. It sucks you in and it places this debilitating hold on you. You can go from website to website looking for whatever you wish. The goal is to get you in and hook you. This way you find what’s appealing to you. If you get involved with other people then they send you pictures, all the time. It’s a chain that’s hard to break. It’s a chain that only Jesus could break for me. I had to ask him to bear my yoke (Matthew 11:30) because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t think I could be married right now if I still looked at any hint of porn. 
Well this is something that I fell into and so did my dad. It nearly destroyed his marriage. It nearly destroyed his life. It nearly ended it. Yet, the moment my dad had a warrant served at his house for these charges was the moment that changed our lives forever. It was one of the most humiliating moments, yet to see what came from it makes me excited for it. When we had that happen to us, I would still look at porn. As I saw my dad become remorseful and repentant, something changed in me. I saw him becoming a man of God and leaning on Jesus Christ to handle this burden for him. I knew who Jesus was, what He did, and how He changed lives, but I had never seen Him be so impactful. A marriage was about to be dissolved, but yet I saw Jesus work so much in my father’s life during this time period that I couldn't help but be attracted to it. I saw my dad leading and I wanted to do that too. There was one time that I saw my dad’s faith increase so much. The Apostles had to ask Jesus to increase their faith (Luke 17:5) and I just wasn't there. I was at a place in my life where I was determined that my parents would divorce, I was 23 and I figured they’d had a good run. I specifically remember yelling at my dad that their marriage was over and that he needed to give up on this. Five years later and it looks like I needed to give up on not believing Jesus can change things. I've seen Pop (what I call my dad) go from being a selfish individual, who was incredibly secretive about he was doing on the computer, to an amazing man of Christ who has shown me how to love my wife, lead a family, and put my faith in Christ who we legitimately can do all things through Him who strengthen us (Philippians 4:13). 
In closing, it’s not a fun thing to see the Daily Press write bring a five year old charge about your dad and give him the mark of death. It’s not who my dad is; however, it’s a testament to how Jesus changes us. People will judge him in the court of public opinion and that’s what they do. I love my dad though. I will stand by him through this ordeal. When this temporary ordeal called life is over then I’ll stand with him in heaven and we’ll have no memory of this. I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my faith had God not put this test in my dad’s life. Thank you God for this trial as I know it is by your grace that we can handle it at all (James 1:2-4). 

Set Free - A little blurb of my Easter story.

Tonight at Easter service the worship band played one of my favorite songs, Set Free. I'll post the lyrics for you here.

Verse 1
Joy, joy, unspeakable joy
Hope like never before
You came for us
You are our freedom

Love, love, unshakeable love
We shall overcome, we will never give up
We lift a shout, we lift a shout
Everyone singing

Chorus
Come on, come on now, we've got a new song
Come on, come on now, a song of liberty
Let the world hear heaven's melody
This is the shout of the hearts You've set free

Verse 2
True, true, we know it's true
We stand now, risen with You
You lifted us
You are our freedom

Strong, strong, whatever may come
You have already won
We lift a shout, we lift a shout
Everyone singing

Bridge
And we'll dance, dance
Dance in Your freedom
Oh, Your glorious freedom
Forevermore, forevermore

This could not be more true for my feelings tonight. The message was about releasing your burdens. I feel completely released. I had this image in my head of shackles holding me to the ground. Bondage really, the sin of my past holding me back from something that could truly be great for the Father. I am trying to break free of this bondage when suddenly I do break free. I break free when Christ comes down to release me from these shackles. The shackles of anxiety, pornography, lust, anger, greed, hypocrisy, and every other sin that I've committed and not let go of because I felt I wasn't good enough for it. No, He released me from that a long time ago; I just finally realized it.

Lastly, Pastor Tom told us one more thing. What would Jesus tell me if He walked through that door? For me, someone who is somewhat of a perfectionist I thought that He would tell me is to spend more time with me. No, He would never do that. I'm already convicted of that by the Spirit. Our God is not condescending, but loving. He took and will continue to take my burdens from me; just like He told me in Matthew. This is the shout of the heart Jesus set free.

My relationship is nothing...

I’ve had a lot of people tell me that my relationship is an inspiration to them. That it shows that there’s a good man left in the world and that there’s a good relationship that gives them something to hope for. I’m glad that people can grab that from my relationship, but that’s not my goal at all. That’s not in the least bit. I don’t want the focus on me. My relationship is nothing without Jesus Christ.

I want people to understand that mine and Staci’s relationship is nothing without the power of Christ. Our focus is on Christ and I want people to understand that we wouldn’t be together if it weren’t for Him. His redemptive and healing power over both of our lives and we want people to see His glory in our relationship and our honoring of Him; we don’t want you to look at our relationship and think that you want that. The story of our relationship doesn’t begin when we got together, but when we submitted to Him. While some of you have heard that story or are going to hear the story in the coming months please remember that it all begins and ends with Christ’s resurrection and teachings.

There are things that God has us focus on individually and together. One of the first things that we both talked about was our intentionality with our relationship. God has given us an amazing testimony that takes the focus off of what we have done and what He has done. Yes, I know that four months seems to be a little short when it comes to normal standards, but I know more about this woman than any other woman by the time He has allowed us to spend together in reading, praying, and worshipping. The things we do together for Christ are the things that have allowed us to become so close and so quick. Our minds are filled with what the Holy Spirit has in store for us and what the Father has done for us and what they will do for us. The reason I was even attracted to her was because of her heart for Christ and doing His work. So as we get closer and closer to the wedding please remember that in everything we have done together has been for His glory.

Romans 15:17
Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God.

Confidence...

When going through the book of Numbers in the Bible we sometimes become a little frustrated. Why do we have to read so much about a survey? What is the purpose of it? Well, it's God's Word so there is a lot of purpose in it. In today's reading I noticed something that piqued my curiosity because it revealed the awesome power of God when one has confidence in our Father.

First let me preface it with a selection from 1 John 3:19-24

¹⁹ This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: ²⁰ If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. ²¹ Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²² and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. ²³ And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. ²⁴ The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

You see verse 21, have confidence and we will receive from Him anything we ask (within reason for His Kingdom). Now let's take a look at two passages from Numbers.

Numbers 11:10-15
¹⁰ Moses heard the people of every family wailing at the entrance to their tents. The LORD became exceedingly angry, and Moses was troubled. ¹¹ He asked the LORD, “Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? ¹² Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their ancestors? ¹³Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ ¹⁴ I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. ¹⁵ If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin.”

It almost seems like Moses is whining. However if we reference Exodus 33:11 we notice that Moses spoke to God face to face like "one spoke to a friend." Friends have the right to vent or seek their frustrations out right? That's the confidence they have in their friend. Does God get angry with Moses? No, He gets frustrated that the Israelites are losing their faith. He gives them quail later on in chapter 11 not because of their whining, but because of Moses' confidence.

Later on in Numbers chapter 13 we see the difference of two opinions yet again. Caleb is confident in God because he's seen what He can do, yet the others are so afraid because of the size.

Numbers 11:30 ³⁰ Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.”

Why do we continue to have so little confidence in our Lord when He has done for us than we have ever asked? I find it amazing that He will grant what we ask if we ask in confidence. It's time for me to build that up in His awesome Name.

In His Glory

NG