The First Few Days

Here are some snapshots from the birth of our little blessing Nathaniel. 

Perfect

I really want to give today the grace and eloquence it deserves. I'll never forget it, but I think my beautiful wife summed today wonderfully when the doctors handed our son Nathaniel to her,
"Oh baby, you are so perfect."
In that moment, for me, that was the truth. 

Ill-prepared, but well equipped.

 Earlier this year my wife told me that she was pregnant. I can honestly tell you that there are few times where I've exuded so much emotion. It literally poured out of me. However, now it's September 1st and our son is almost here (the due date is September 19^th). How exciting right? Well I've come to the realization, I am immensely ill-prepared, but incredibly equipped.

If you're reading you might be saying, "Don't say that Nick. I know you, you're going to be a great dad." I would respond by telling you that I know that. I know I'll have my follies and do things that are befitting of a “good father”. I'm not writing this because I want your compliments or happy and positive vibes. Nope, see I've come to the realization that I can't be a good father without the help of Jesus Christ.

My goal is not for my child to be a "good" human being. Good has changed throughout the years. Good has become "serving your community without expectation of reward or retribution after death." I get it, people serve for that warm fuzzy feeling of helping others and looking good in the community. They serve for their own means. Their reward is here on earth where they want and expect it. No, I want to see and spend time with my son for much longer than our time here on earth. I want my son to love Christ more than me, serve others better than me, love better than me, and lastly and most important glorify God better than I've ever thought about. I mean just look at the verses that Solomon gives us in Proverbs:

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. (Proverbs 23:13 NIV)

To have a fool for a child brings grief; there is no joy for the parent of a godless fool. (Proverbs 17:21 NIV)

Whoever robs their father and drives out their mother is a child who brings shame and disgrace. (Proverbs 19:26 NIV)

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away. (Proverbs 22:15 NIV)

A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. (Proverbs 29:15 NIV)

A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. (Proverbs 19:13 NIV)

The father of a righteous child has great joy; a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him. (Proverbs 23:24 NIV)

So after my little moralist rant, I've gotta tell you; unless I all of a sudden get a doctorate in Theology, become a pastor, and dedicate my life to the homeless Mother Theresa style this isn't going to happen. Not in a million years would I be able to accomplish these things on my own. Look at what Proverbs tells me. I need to discipline my child, make sure he knows and understands who God is (not intellectually acknowledge Him, but know Him), make sure that he follows the right path, isn't foolish, make him righteous, and impart wisdom on him. This is only in reference to a child, there are 40 verses that reference “son”. I have to teach him how to protect his heart, not be a fool, stay away from adulterous women, work hard, to store up my commands and so much more. Normally, I would worry and stress out about this. I can't do this. I still have a marriage to maintain, work at a job, go to church, go to small group, be friends with people, run, sleep, eat, drink, and many other aspects of life that I'm just not referencing.

Yet I'm not worried. I have no reason to worry because this isn't my burden. I gave that up a long time ago, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). He will equip me, He will provide, and He will guide; I just have to listen, work for Him, be guided by Him, and let Him grow me. The last four years I've taken the yoke of Jesus and accepted the fact that I'm ill-prepared to do things, and with my son coming soon there's not another way I'd rather have it be.

Always my Pop

I don’t know if my writing this is bringing attention to this situation or making it into a bigger spectacle than it is, but I feel the need to address it. If you saw the local newspaper this morning then you saw that my dad was charged with possessing child pornography. It’s incredibly frustrating that a charge from five years ago is coming into the light now. It brought up emotions that I haven’t felt for five years and I haven’t cried like that in years. I don’t understand it and I personally feel that this is irresponsible journalism, but I digress. I love my “pop” immensely and if it weren't for him my faith in my savior Jesus Christ wouldn't be where it’s at today. I want desperately to shield him from the negativity that will be thought, said, and posted about him in the weeks to come just as he shielded me from everything that happened to me when I was young. I do want to tell people how this has been the most positive experience in our relationship.
Before I jump into this let me explain a little bit about pornography. It’s an incredibly dangerous game to jump into. It sucks you in and it places this debilitating hold on you. You can go from website to website looking for whatever you wish. The goal is to get you in and hook you. This way you find what’s appealing to you. If you get involved with other people then they send you pictures, all the time. It’s a chain that’s hard to break. It’s a chain that only Jesus could break for me. I had to ask him to bear my yoke (Matthew 11:30) because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t think I could be married right now if I still looked at any hint of porn. 
Well this is something that I fell into and so did my dad. It nearly destroyed his marriage. It nearly destroyed his life. It nearly ended it. Yet, the moment my dad had a warrant served at his house for these charges was the moment that changed our lives forever. It was one of the most humiliating moments, yet to see what came from it makes me excited for it. When we had that happen to us, I would still look at porn. As I saw my dad become remorseful and repentant, something changed in me. I saw him becoming a man of God and leaning on Jesus Christ to handle this burden for him. I knew who Jesus was, what He did, and how He changed lives, but I had never seen Him be so impactful. A marriage was about to be dissolved, but yet I saw Jesus work so much in my father’s life during this time period that I couldn't help but be attracted to it. I saw my dad leading and I wanted to do that too. There was one time that I saw my dad’s faith increase so much. The Apostles had to ask Jesus to increase their faith (Luke 17:5) and I just wasn't there. I was at a place in my life where I was determined that my parents would divorce, I was 23 and I figured they’d had a good run. I specifically remember yelling at my dad that their marriage was over and that he needed to give up on this. Five years later and it looks like I needed to give up on not believing Jesus can change things. I've seen Pop (what I call my dad) go from being a selfish individual, who was incredibly secretive about he was doing on the computer, to an amazing man of Christ who has shown me how to love my wife, lead a family, and put my faith in Christ who we legitimately can do all things through Him who strengthen us (Philippians 4:13). 
In closing, it’s not a fun thing to see the Daily Press write bring a five year old charge about your dad and give him the mark of death. It’s not who my dad is; however, it’s a testament to how Jesus changes us. People will judge him in the court of public opinion and that’s what they do. I love my dad though. I will stand by him through this ordeal. When this temporary ordeal called life is over then I’ll stand with him in heaven and we’ll have no memory of this. I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my faith had God not put this test in my dad’s life. Thank you God for this trial as I know it is by your grace that we can handle it at all (James 1:2-4).