I don’t know if my writing this is bringing attention to this situation or making it into a bigger spectacle than it is, but I feel the need to address it. If you saw the local newspaper this morning then you saw that my dad was charged with possessing child pornography. It’s incredibly frustrating that a charge from five years ago is coming into the light now. It brought up emotions that I haven’t felt for five years and I haven’t cried like that in years. I don’t understand it and I personally feel that this is irresponsible journalism, but I digress. I love my “pop” immensely and if it weren't for him my faith in my savior Jesus Christ wouldn't be where it’s at today. I want desperately to shield him from the negativity that will be thought, said, and posted about him in the weeks to come just as he shielded me from everything that happened to me when I was young. I do want to tell people how this has been the most positive experience in our relationship.
Before I jump into this let me explain a little bit about pornography. It’s an incredibly dangerous game to jump into. It sucks you in and it places this debilitating hold on you. You can go from website to website looking for whatever you wish. The goal is to get you in and hook you. This way you find what’s appealing to you. If you get involved with other people then they send you pictures, all the time. It’s a chain that’s hard to break. It’s a chain that only Jesus could break for me. I had to ask him to bear my yoke (Matthew 11:30) because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t think I could be married right now if I still looked at any hint of porn.
Well this is something that I fell into and so did my dad. It nearly destroyed his marriage. It nearly destroyed his life. It nearly ended it. Yet, the moment my dad had a warrant served at his house for these charges was the moment that changed our lives forever. It was one of the most humiliating moments, yet to see what came from it makes me excited for it. When we had that happen to us, I would still look at porn. As I saw my dad become remorseful and repentant, something changed in me. I saw him becoming a man of God and leaning on Jesus Christ to handle this burden for him. I knew who Jesus was, what He did, and how He changed lives, but I had never seen Him be so impactful. A marriage was about to be dissolved, but yet I saw Jesus work so much in my father’s life during this time period that I couldn't help but be attracted to it. I saw my dad leading and I wanted to do that too. There was one time that I saw my dad’s faith increase so much. The Apostles had to ask Jesus to increase their faith (Luke 17:5) and I just wasn't there. I was at a place in my life where I was determined that my parents would divorce, I was 23 and I figured they’d had a good run. I specifically remember yelling at my dad that their marriage was over and that he needed to give up on this. Five years later and it looks like I needed to give up on not believing Jesus can change things. I've seen Pop (what I call my dad) go from being a selfish individual, who was incredibly secretive about he was doing on the computer, to an amazing man of Christ who has shown me how to love my wife, lead a family, and put my faith in Christ who we legitimately can do all things through Him who strengthen us (Philippians 4:13).
In closing, it’s not a fun thing to see the Daily Press write bring a five year old charge about your dad and give him the mark of death. It’s not who my dad is; however, it’s a testament to how Jesus changes us. People will judge him in the court of public opinion and that’s what they do. I love my dad though. I will stand by him through this ordeal. When this temporary ordeal called life is over then I’ll stand with him in heaven and we’ll have no memory of this. I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my faith had God not put this test in my dad’s life. Thank you God for this trial as I know it is by your grace that we can handle it at all (James 1:2-4).
